Lucky Leftie!

Today one of the Tenants, within the building I manage took note that I was left handed…. He then proceeded to inform me that Lefties have a shorter life expectancy than Righties. WTF? I had to do some investigation on this topic and what I found was kind of depressing.

There's a fair amount of evidence that left-handedness is caused by minor brain damage at birth (though there seems to be a genetic component as well). As a result, lefties seem to be clumsier but also more creative. (So true…If an accident is going to happen it will happen to me)

Numerous studies have reported that lefties have a higher accident rate, are more likely to have their fingers amputated due to power-tool accidents and suffer more wrist fractures. What's more, lefties suffer a higher incidence of allergies, epilepsy, schizophrenia, and learning disabilities. (Note to self *No unsupervised power tool usage* and it’s a damn good thing I have great health insurance for the other crap.)

Lefties, a 1992 article in the Atlantic notes, also show unusually high frequencies of depression, drug abuse, bed-wetting, attempted suicide, lower-than-normal birth weight, sleeping disorders, and autoimmune diseases. (None of these apply to me, with the exception of “sleep disorder” I have a kid… of coarse I have a “sleep disorder”)

In the 1992 U.S. Presidential election, all three major candidates were left-handed. According to most resources, there have been six left-handed presidents: James Garfield, Harry S Truman, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George Bush, and Bill Clinton. Wow, I am in greater danger of becoming U.S. president. If that won't take years off my life, I don't know what will.

My advice to fellow southpaws: keep your head low, your spirits up, avoid power tools, and never ever accept a convention draft.